A couple things to get off my chest



December 28th 2010

I am convinced I developed some sort of anxiety disorder on this day. The feeling that I had knowing my daughter had been in this world for 5 short days, and it was MY fault she could have been taken away. So how could I trust other people not to take her from me?

When I say I developed an anxiety disorder it's nothing intense, like I can't leave the house or I can only go 5 miles down the road without breaking into a sweat...it's nothing  like that. But when I do leave the house, I think about everything that can go wrong. & I mean EVERYTHING.

Like:

• What if a car crosses the center line? What would I do?
• What if I get rear-ended? What would happen to Rilynn?
• What if I get T-boned going through an intersection? 
• What if something comes flying through my windshield?
• What if my tire blows and I spin out of control?

It's a little ridiculous right??

Today, a huge truck pulled out in front of me. (Like the one below.)

I had to slam on my brakes, then as we were going down the road a 5 gallon bucket full of I-don't-know-what fell off his truck. Luckily there wasn't anyone behind me, because I sort of pulled toward the shoulder to miss it. I had a mild heart attack.

Another car had pulled out in front of me while I was going 55 mph, I had to slam on my brakes again so I didn't hit the idiot.

It's moments like these that sort of freak me out. I hate having to rely on other people to use common sense, and I hate having to trust other people that I don't even know.

Knowing anything can go wrong, makes me realize that every.single.second. is a blessing with my daughter. I don't get frustrated, I don't get stressed. I would hate knowing that the last moment I spent with her, I was frustrated with her. I couldn't live with myself if that was ever the case.

I know the majority of my blog is about Rilynn, but I really don't think anyone understands what this little girl means to me.

On a different note, I'm tired of people giving me looks like these while I'm breastfeeding in public. (Even while covering myself up.)

Look here, I'm feeding my child. As opposed to some of those hippy dippy people out there who just pop it out, I have enough respect for you to cover myself up (and because some guys out there are real creepers.) It's just a BOOB, what are you... a 14 year old boy?? So unless you want me to pop one of these suckers out and GIVE you something to stare at, mind your own business.