The weather is FINALLY nice out. I wish Rilynn and I had some place to go so we could take advantage of it. Instead we went on a walk and I'm sitting on the porch while she naps in her swing next to me.

She had apple juice in her sippy cup today! (Mainly to get her used to the sippy cup so maybe she'll take something other than me.) She's getting so big!

Also, Kerry's head is doing better. :) It's still a little sore, and he has to go back to get his stitches out on May 5th.
We just ordered Rilynn's exersaucer/bouncer off of Amazon. I am so excited for her to get it!

Not a good night.

((This was supposed to be posted on Monday the 25th. I don't know why it didn't post.))

This is my boyfriend Kerry. :(




This is Kerry before getting his stitches tonight. He was hit in the head with a wench handle at work. From what I was told he was flung ten feet, knocked out and bit through his tongue. Poor guy. I hate seeing him in such bad shape. He is staying at his parents for the night due to the fact that he has to be kept under a close eye, just in case he shows any sign of a oncussion. He is such a strong guy. I love him so. :(

So... I have been trying to take my mind off of the fact that he is in such bad shape right now and I'm uploading pictures in honor of Rilynn's 4 month "birthday". :)

I guess I'll add to this post about the most recent happenings in our life.
Rilynn had her 4 month aappointment on the 26th.
She weighed 15 lbs and 8 ounces.
She is 24 inches long.
She hasn't rolled over yet. She is pretty close though!
She laughs.
She "talks" and coos.
She smiles all of the time.

We aren't going to start cereal or anything until she shows interest, or when she is 5 months old. I don't see the need in rushing it.

I'm currently shopping on Amazon for a exersaucer for her or maybe a jumperoo. I'm not sure which one yet. I need Kerry here to help me decide.

Well, I'm going to get off here and try to get stuff done while she is napping. She has been fighting her naps like crazy lately!!



It's safe to say I'm slacking.

It's hard to fit this blog in sometimes! Sorry. :)

We haven't been up to much, just the normal mommy-daughter things I suppose. Right now she is napping and I'm watching Goonies!

 I'll give you a quick run down of things....

I caught Rilynn's second laugh on video almost a week ago.

(Sorry it's tilted and whatnot. She has a tendancy to stop whatever she is doing and just give the camera a blank stare if it comes within her line of vision.)

She is 4 months old as of today!

I was going through all the pictures I have of Rilynn on my laptop (all 900 of them), and it is so crazy that she has grown so fast. With every new milestone she reaches it's definitely bittersweet. I'm very proud to say that my daughter is a thriving and flourishing four month old...but she is growing farther from being my precious baby girl that I brought home from the hospital.

Tomorrow is her first Easter! :)
We don't have anything major planned...just visiting family. & coming home to relax afterwards.

On the 25th I enroll in online classes. I'm excited but I'm also nervous. I hear people like online classes, but some people prefer to go on campus. Sadly, online classes are the only kind that will work into my schedule as of now.

Sorry so short, Rilynn woke up.
I'll post more tomorrow! Unless I find some inspiration for something today. :)

A couple things to get off my chest



December 28th 2010

I am convinced I developed some sort of anxiety disorder on this day. The feeling that I had knowing my daughter had been in this world for 5 short days, and it was MY fault she could have been taken away. So how could I trust other people not to take her from me?

When I say I developed an anxiety disorder it's nothing intense, like I can't leave the house or I can only go 5 miles down the road without breaking into a sweat...it's nothing  like that. But when I do leave the house, I think about everything that can go wrong. & I mean EVERYTHING.

Like:

• What if a car crosses the center line? What would I do?
• What if I get rear-ended? What would happen to Rilynn?
• What if I get T-boned going through an intersection? 
• What if something comes flying through my windshield?
• What if my tire blows and I spin out of control?

It's a little ridiculous right??

Today, a huge truck pulled out in front of me. (Like the one below.)

I had to slam on my brakes, then as we were going down the road a 5 gallon bucket full of I-don't-know-what fell off his truck. Luckily there wasn't anyone behind me, because I sort of pulled toward the shoulder to miss it. I had a mild heart attack.

Another car had pulled out in front of me while I was going 55 mph, I had to slam on my brakes again so I didn't hit the idiot.

It's moments like these that sort of freak me out. I hate having to rely on other people to use common sense, and I hate having to trust other people that I don't even know.

Knowing anything can go wrong, makes me realize that every.single.second. is a blessing with my daughter. I don't get frustrated, I don't get stressed. I would hate knowing that the last moment I spent with her, I was frustrated with her. I couldn't live with myself if that was ever the case.

I know the majority of my blog is about Rilynn, but I really don't think anyone understands what this little girl means to me.

On a different note, I'm tired of people giving me looks like these while I'm breastfeeding in public. (Even while covering myself up.)

Look here, I'm feeding my child. As opposed to some of those hippy dippy people out there who just pop it out, I have enough respect for you to cover myself up (and because some guys out there are real creepers.) It's just a BOOB, what are you... a 14 year old boy?? So unless you want me to pop one of these suckers out and GIVE you something to stare at, mind your own business.

20 things I've learned in 20 years

1. Cereal can be eaten for any meal of the day.
2. The little things in life really do matter most.
3. Communication is key.
4. Music can change your mood.
5. If you Google an illness, you automatically have all of the symptoms.
6. Sharing is caring.
7. Tattoos hurt, but they're worth it and addicting.
8. You can pick your friends, you can pick your friend's nose, but you can't wipe your friends on the couch.
9. Having children is the most terrifying joy you'll ever experience.
10. My hair rarely cooperates.
11. My mom is my best friend.
12. You should always tell the truth.
13. You'll regret wishing you were older.
14. Religon is like a penis.
15. Don't cut your hair short because you'll want it long again.
16. Just because you're a teenager and got knocked up, doesn't mean you still get to act like a teenager. It's time to grow up, girls.
17. You can never take too many pictures.
18. Words hurt.
19. Don't ever judge anyone until you've been put in their shoes.
20. You always feel better after brushing your teeth.

Annnd now, I will shamelessly show off my daughter. Enjoy!

First giggle.



Daddy in Rilynn's hat



Love flower heabands :)



Rockin her bikini



Cute hat :)



Parenthood.

You repeat yourself in 3s.

"Who's a pretty girl? You're a pretty girl! Aren't you so pretty??"

You sing normal daily activities to the tune of nursery rhymes.

(to Twinkle, Twinkle)

"Watching mommy do the dishes, do the dishes, isn't this so fun..."

You tell your significant other about your kids' poos.

"OMG you should have seen this poop she had today, it was MASSIVE."

You refer to yourself in the third person.

"Mommy loves you!"

You taste everything your child has to ingest.

(Maybe that's just me. With the exception of my own breast milk. I think that's weird for some reason.)

...............................................................

Today has been a good day.

I have been walking a lot, and using my Moby. Rilynn and I love that thing.

I painted my nails since they finally decided to grow back out and not break.

Seeeeee? :)

 

Oh, Kerry.



Rilynn was looking cute in one of her new dresses.

(I'm shamelessly addicted to clothes and headbands for her.)

Cranky face!

I have decided that I'm going to lose 50 pounds. Yes. 50.

I also discovered a hilarious new addiction!

F U Auto Correct

(Thank you Nicole!)

Well, that's all for now.

Good night!

<3

I am pushing myself.

I am so excited. I signed up for a virtual marathon today.

Basically, the "marathon" starts on May 1st and I have until May 31st to run 26.2 miles.
Just under a mile a day. :)

There are prizes based on who finishes.

The requirements are as follows:

• You have to have proof of you mileage and date in which you ran it. (taking a picture of your treadmil mile tracker, or any other device you use.)
• You also have to keep a log of all the miles you have ran, and dates. (you will mail it in.)
• You have to send in a picture of yourself in one of the Tshirts, or "race bib".

You can go here if you'd like to learn more about it. :)

Needless to say I'm stoked about this. Even if I don't win anything, I need to motivate myself to get off my butt.

I'm also looking into taking workout classes called Stroller Strides. It's basically a class with other moms, and you bring your children and workout with your stroller.

I really wish there were classes down here, the closest one is in Springfield. I think it may be worth it to check it out though. :)

Just wanted to share. :)

Oh yeah.

I just wanted to say that I love breastfeeding. ♥

Why??

Because

• Being EVERYTHING my daughter needs to live is empowering.
• I can text, type, flip channels, and read while feeding her.
• I continue to eat healthy and drink water because of it.
• Who doesn't like to save money?!
• Burning calories while sitting on my booty.
• I can be half asleep and not have to worry about preparing a bottle, and when I go out I don't have to worry about packing a ton of bottles, water, formula, etc.
• There is NOTHING that's better for her.
• I get to keep her close.

I'm very excited for Rilynn to start solids. I have come to the conclusion that I will make my own. I love that while breastfeeding  I know exactly what she is getting. I know baby food is safe, obviously... but if I can make my own baby food, then why not. Plus... the money saving will continue. Boo-yah!!

Some updates on Rilynn:

• She weighs 14.95 pounds.
• She is 23 inches long.
• She will not take a bottle.
• She goes to bed around 9:00 everynight.
• She has some new summer outfits, and loves them.
• She is almost 4 months old. (Ah!)

I love this little girl. I love breastfeeding. I love being a mommy.

Oh... and PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Anyone who sees her and doesn't KICK HER ASS for being a complete moron they will be kicked in the shins by this guy

And he means business.

Having You is Enough

Sure, my heart may be somewhat broken... but who's to say that it isn't partly my fault?

I'm not ready to give up on you, or us just yet.

Maybe I'm not ready to give up because I know what kind of guy you are capable of being, or maybe it's because I know the father you can be... who knows.

Perhaps I didn't give credit where credit was due.

...God knows I can be a bitch, maybe I pushed your buttons one too many times?

Although I know I am partly at fault, I think you are as well.

I want what we used to have, and I think that's an attainable goal. Especially if all we have to do is put in some genuine effort and TRY. What relationship doesn't require work?

I love you Ker-bear. ;)
I think we can do this.

Xoxo

Three words.

I'm over it.

I'm Feeling a Little Sappy.

My beautiful baby girl.

Overall A Good Day

Rilynn slept from 12:00am to 7:00am, then again until 10:00am, and then we napped on the couch till noon.

(What a good start to the day, right?)

This nice weather better be sticking around or else I might go a little ballistic. I want to be outsiiiiide! I want to walk around the park with Rilynn in her cute little stroller! I want to wear flip flops, dresses, shorts tank tops and t-shirts! Well, not all at the same time but you get the idea. Normally I would be pumped to lay out and go tanning, but in order to get this girl into a bathing suit this Summer....that bathing suit better come with a whole new body. Everyone tries to tell you what it's going to be like after you squeeze that baby out...but it's never as bad as it really is.  I would rather be pregnant again...(I think Kerry would disagree with that though.)

I truly commend these women for posting pictures of their post pregnancy bodies online for anyone to see, but more so because they find the beauty in their post pregnancy bodies. I'd give anything for that. I don't mean to sound sorry for myself, and you're probably thinking "why don't you just go work out?" but it's not easy to just go work out with an almost 3 1/2 month old baby. (OMG. She's almost 4 months old!)

Today is one of those days where things just seem to come into perspective, and everything makes sense. Like when you figure out how to do your math assignment without looking in the back of the book. ;)

I just want things to hurry up and fall into place. I'm sad to say that my life isn't at the point where I'm completely happy with it.

I want to be the absolute best I can for Rilynn's sake, no matter how hard it is. I don't want to fail her. I would do anything for her, and I hope Kerry would say the same. I sometimes wonder if she would have had it better if Kerry and I decided to give her up for adoption, but I don't wonder too long because it hurts my heart to think of her being anywhere else but here.

She's absolutely everything to me. I feel lucky to have her, especially when I think of those parents out there who have children with medical problems, disabilities, who have even had children pass away or even couples who can't conceive. I am blessed to have a healthy baby girl, no matter how big of a surprise she was. She definitely puts the light in my life.

Excuse me while I go kiss my baby girl.

Just venting.

Okay

1. You have a baby. Congratulations!

But just because I also have a baby doesn't mean I'm going to be your BFF. We were never close before you found out I was knocked up. Yes, we have something in common. But this does not by any means bond us together in some sort of sisterhood. SO LEAVE ME ALONE. No, I don't want to "do lunch". No, I don't want to have a play date. For one our children aren't old enough to "play" which means I'll be stuck making meaningless conversation with you (and making a gun with my fingers and pretending to shoot my brains onto the wall while you turn around.)

Why don't you get some REAL friends.

2. Cool, you have a camera. REAL neat.

I also have a camera, but you don't see me advertising myself as a photographer do you? No you don't.

Do you see me harassing people to let me take pictures of their kids? Once again, NO you don't.

There is a reason you are having to practically harass people to let you photograph there child... you aren't good. You take shitty pictures. YOU would have to pay ME to let you take pictures of Rilynn.

You need to stop getting so butt hurt because people don't want your business. This is America, where I have the freedom to choose any freaking photographer I want. And it's NOT you.

So just give it up. You are ridiculous. Grow up.

Vent over.

I feel better. :)

Yesterday

The UPS man delivered Rilynn's Bumbo and mobile yesterday!
Her Bumbo in action:



Sup?





She loves this thing, and I can't take her out of it without her throwing a mini fit for a minute or so afterwards. Even when she gets tired and can't sit up anymore, she STILL wants to be in it.

Exhibit A-

She also loves her mobile. So much for it helping her fall asleep at night, she just squeals and babbles at the little animals and kicks her little feet.

Her looking at her mobile-

How cute is she?! :)

I am pretty sure she is teething. She constantly chews on EVERYTHING, drools like crazy and isn't a very happy camper. Yesterday she cried almost all day which isn't like her and she wouldn't sleep unless it was in my arms, or in my lap. So needless to say, I didn't get much done. I didn't even shower until I could get her to sleep at 9:30. Ah, the joys of motherhood.

Her umbilical hernia is looking so much better. Almost like a normal bellybutton! It should go away by itself by the time she is two, if not before. If it doesn't go away by then she'll have to have surgery. BUT I have to watch it carefully because her intestines could get strangled inside the defect (basically a hole in her abdominal wall where the umbilical cord was attached that didn't close up all of the way) and could require surgery immediately if that happens. 

I'll post more later, Rilynn is demanding some attention. :)