As I lay here in bed, fighting with the blanket to keep my toes covered and watching the steady rise and fall of Rilynn's chest as she sleeps, I can't help but think about how far different life is than I had pictured it would be. When I was pregnant with Rilynn, and even after she was born I always pictured my life consisting of Rilynn, Kerry and myself. God seemed to have other plans for me though. Kerry and I haven't been together for going on 3 months now. & as everyone knows, he has been seeing other people. I hate that everyone thinks I am just bitter about the fact that he left me, because that isn't the case at all. I hope she makes him happier than I could, and that they have a fantastic relationship. I have a lot of resentment towards him for bailing on Rilynn & that's that.
Being a single mom, going to work, and taking 4 online classes absolutely exhausts me. If I can have the house picked up before I go to bed, I feel like I have reached a major accomplishment!
I can not wait for a little me time when I go see Jessica for her 21st up in Fayette! I'm so excited! It'll be my first night away from Rilynn since she was born & it is much needed! Only 40 days, 14 hours and 7 minutes....not like I'm counting or anything...
Let me update you on my little Ri Bug!
She weighs about 20 lbs now!
She's crawling everywhere and she's in to EVERYTHING.
She has 2 teeth.
She is attempting to walk, but it always results in a face plant.
She's eating some "real" food. (mashed potatos, scrambled eggs, anything I can smash up into small pieces really.)
She is "talking" up a storm.
She has recently tried escaping her crib, so I had to lower the mattress. (which is such a pain in the ass, by the way.)
Well, I am going to finish folding this laundry and attempt going to bed since insomnia and I have such a great relationship lately...
I'll post pictures tomorrow to complete this update post. My computer is being annoyingly slow right now.
Well, this time around I actually have new happenings to talk about!
Rilynn is all over this growing up business!
Her new favorite toys are her feet!
She's rolled over finally! It was back to front, but it still counts! This is the video I uploaded for Kerry, since he hadn't sen her roll over yet.
I started her on solids a few days ago and she loves it! I started her out with bananas, and today we tried sweet potatos. :)
Bananas
Sweet potatos
She "swam" in her pool the other day.
Annnnnnnd-
She has had so many accomplishments within these few weeks that I haven't updated. It is unbelievable. It's so bittersweet! She's no longer my little newborn, that's for sure.
She isn't sleeping that well at night though. It's like bringing her home from the hospital all over again. No fun.
My mom is convinced I am spoiling her. I'm not sure it's possible. Even if it is...have you seen that little chubby-cheeked face??? How can you not want to hold her and love on her all the time?
There are some nights she wakes up at 3 am and is ready to play until when she is tired again. It's exhausting. Some nights I just sleep on the couch with her. It's killing my back but it seems like I get more sleep that way. I need someone who has a baby sleeping through the night to share their secret with me. I can't take this any longer.
Now that I have updated you on Rilynn, let's talk about MEEEEEE!
I am starting online courses in the Fall and I am so excited! I will most likely regret saying that when the time comes but for now I am going to tell myself I will love getting back into school. I have decided that I want to become a sign language interpreter, or a teacher with a degree in interpreting. I absolutely love sign language and I have started introducing it to Rilynn!
That marathon I was going to run? Yeah, didn't happen. I started to run but we had all this rain which put a hault on things and then it got to the point where I was too unmotivated to do it anymore. I'm a lame fatty. Boo.
I'll update more tomorrow. I need to go to bed soon! :)
We got Rilynn's exersaucer about 2 days ago. She can't quite touch the bounce platform yet, so I have a pillow for her to stand on. Other than that, she loves it.
We also tried some rice cereal. I didn't think Rilynn was ready for it, but I figured I'd give it a try. Here is the result:
Just as I suspected... We'll wait it out a couple weeks and try again! :)
Kerry is getting his stitches out today. Surprisingly it's healing faster than I thought.. Then again, I'm not a doctor and really have no idea about those sort of things.
Nothing else is new around here. Sorry. :(
I'll update later. :)
Friday, April 29
The weather is FINALLY nice out. I wish Rilynn and I had some place to go so we could take advantage of it. Instead we went on a walk and I'm sitting on the porch while she naps in her swing next to me.
She had apple juice in her sippy cup today! (Mainly to get her used to the sippy cup so maybe she'll take something other than me.) She's getting so big!
Also, Kerry's head is doing better. :) It's still a little sore, and he has to go back to get his stitches out on May 5th.
We just ordered Rilynn's exersaucer/bouncer off of Amazon. I am so excited for her to get it!
((This was supposed to be posted on Monday the 25th. I don't know why it didn't post.))
This is my boyfriend Kerry. :(
This is Kerry before getting his stitches tonight. He was hit in the head with a wench handle at work. From what I was told he was flung ten feet, knocked out and bit through his tongue. Poor guy. I hate seeing him in such bad shape. He is staying at his parents for the night due to the fact that he has to be kept under a close eye, just in case he shows any sign of a oncussion. He is such a strong guy. I love him so. :(
So... I have been trying to take my mind off of the fact that he is in such bad shape right now and I'm uploading pictures in honor of Rilynn's 4 month "birthday". :)
I guess I'll add to this post about the most recent happenings in our life.
Rilynn had her 4 month aappointment on the 26th.
She weighed 15 lbs and 8 ounces.
She is 24 inches long.
She hasn't rolled over yet. She is pretty close though!
She laughs.
She "talks" and coos.
She smiles all of the time.
We aren't going to start cereal or anything until she shows interest, or when she is 5 months old. I don't see the need in rushing it.
I'm currently shopping on Amazon for a exersaucer for her or maybe a jumperoo. I'm not sure which one yet. I need Kerry here to help me decide.
Well, I'm going to get off here and try to get stuff done while she is napping. She has been fighting her naps like crazy lately!!
It's hard to fit this blog in sometimes! Sorry. :)
We haven't been up to much, just the normal mommy-daughter things I suppose. Right now she is napping and I'm watching Goonies!
I'll give you a quick run down of things....
I caught Rilynn's second laugh on video almost a week ago.
(Sorry it's tilted and whatnot. She has a tendancy to stop whatever she is doing and just give the camera a blank stare if it comes within her line of vision.)
She is 4 months old as of today!
I was going through all the pictures I have of Rilynn on my laptop (all 900 of them), and it is so crazy that she has grown so fast. With every new milestone she reaches it's definitely bittersweet. I'm very proud to say that my daughter is a thriving and flourishing four month old...but she is growing farther from being my precious baby girl that I brought home from the hospital.
Tomorrow is her first Easter! :)
We don't have anything major planned...just visiting family. & coming home to relax afterwards.
On the 25th I enroll in online classes. I'm excited but I'm also nervous. I hear people like online classes, but some people prefer to go on campus. Sadly, online classes are the only kind that will work into my schedule as of now.
Sorry so short, Rilynn woke up.
I'll post more tomorrow! Unless I find some inspiration for something today. :)
I am convinced I developed some sort of anxiety disorder on this day. The feeling that I had knowing my daughter had been in this world for 5 short days, and it was MY fault she could have been taken away. So how could I trust other people not to take her from me?
When I say I developed an anxiety disorder it's nothing intense, like I can't leave the house or I can only go 5 miles down the road without breaking into a sweat...it's nothing like that. But when I do leave the house, I think about everything that can go wrong. & I mean EVERYTHING.
Like:
What if a car crosses the center line? What would I do?
What if I get rear-ended? What would happen to Rilynn?
What if I get T-boned going through an intersection?
What if something comes flying through my windshield?
What if my tire blows and I spin out of control?
It's a little ridiculous right??
Today, a huge truck pulled out in front of me. (Like the one below.)
I had to slam on my brakes, then as we were going down the road a 5 gallon bucket full of I-don't-know-what fell off his truck. Luckily there wasn't anyone behind me, because I sort of pulled toward the shoulder to miss it. I had a mild heart attack.
Another car had pulled out in front of me while I was going 55 mph, I had to slam on my brakes again so I didn't hit the idiot.
It's moments like these that sort of freak me out. I hate having to rely on other people to use common sense, and I hate having to trust other people that I don't even know.
Knowing anything can go wrong, makes me realize that every.single.second. is a blessing with my daughter. I don't get frustrated, I don't get stressed. I would hate knowing that the last moment I spent with her, I was frustrated with her. I couldn't live with myself if that was ever the case.
I know the majority of my blog is about Rilynn, but I really don't think anyone understands what this little girl means to me.
On a different note, I'm tired of people giving me looks like these while I'm breastfeeding in public. (Even while covering myself up.)
Look here, I'm feeding my child. As opposed to some of those hippy dippy people out there who just pop it out, I have enough respect for you to cover myself up (and because some guys out there are real creepers.) It's just a BOOB, what are you... a 14 year old boy?? So unless you want me to pop one of these suckers out and GIVE you something to stare at, mind your own business.
